Let me just start by saying that I love my family more than anything. That being said, this is mostly a theraputic way for me to vent. When I put things in writing, it helps me to sort through my feelings. So this may not make sense to anyone else, but hopefully it will help me.
Since we haved moved up to Francis, we are in an interesting situation. We are definitely closer to family, but we are still far enough away that we only see them once or twice a month. Sometimes its just too hard to get out the door early enough to drive for 3 hours (round trip) and still have time to do something fun. Well, with me being the introvert that I am, I haven't made very many friends up here... and the ones that I am friends with, don't seem to have time to do anything.
So basically, I sit in my house all day long, chasing kids and cleaning, and thats about it! Going to the grocery store is about the only time I ever get out of my house, and anyone that knows my children knows that it can be more stressful than staying home( where they are contained :) )
I don't know how to describe what I am feeling besides saying that I am suffocating. It's gotten a lot worse during the winter. The weather has only added to how much I am stuck home. I spend so much time cooped up in my house, that I am no longer a patient mom, I'm actually quite the opposite. I feel like I am not myself. I feel isolated from the rest of the world. My close friends that I made in the past are busy with their own lives and so I feel alone in this.
Ben is great to try to keep my spirits up, but between work and training for his half marathon, we don't have much time. He doesn't understand why I am so irritable sometimes and there's not really any excuse. I just am.
I finally saw some sort of light in the form of a volleyball league up here. But when I called to see if any teams needed players, I wasn't given much hope. Hopefully, I can find something that I can do for myself to alleviate some of the drab that I'm feeling.
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4 comments:
so sorry to hear. i understand the whole winter depression crap. and then not being able to get out...ugh. hang in there!
So true! We all need down time. But, like you I'm not one to put myself out there. It's not much but, it won't last forever. One day you'll turn around and they will all be in school. (its weird) Call me anytime, just to chat or vent or whatever. Luv ya!!
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. On the bright side, it sounds like spring is just around the corner. You could still be here and looking at another couple of months! :) We love and miss you - hope things work out for you.
thanks guys
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